Brocklesby Park Cricket Club


The French say the English are an unimaginative race, they have no conception of eternity, so they invented cricket.

H B Crabtree says, "The greatest umpire of all time was Frank Chester; he only made two mistakes in his career, one was to give me lbw at Lords, the other was to give me lbw at Westcliffe on Sea."

D G Bradman said it was not usually the losing side who complained about umpiring, it was always the losing side.

Jim Robinson was guesting for Normanby Park, the captain didn't know him and sent him in at 90 for 7, chasing over 200. Jim was facing the most successful bowler, and hoisted him for 6, 6, 4, off the first over he received, then went down the wicket to his partner, John Holland (still at Brigg Grammar) and said, "You keep your end up, I'm going to start and hit out now." They got them.

The Archdeacon of Stow, opening for Lincs clergy, unwisely went for a second run to Peter Haines, who was near the gate with the ball in his hand, half-way down the wicket, he said, "Oh crumbs."

Dick Lyth, on arriving at the ground for a match against Holy Trinity CC, "Who are the other eight?"

The President on bowling a wide, "XXXX it!"

Peter Burbidge, acting umpire, giving guard to the vicar of Limber, "That's middle and leg," and sotto voce, "May the Lord be with you." But he wasn't.

John Greetham, on making contact with something solid in Laceby road, Grimsby, "Who left that mucking bollard there?"

Hendy to Martin Thompson, "Of course I lost all the balls, you told me to play out time didn't you?"

Ron Flear, umpiring against Furneaux, "Let that sod get anything in front."

Batsman, after innings, "Modesty forbids me to say how many I got." Robert Oram, "It doesn't forbid me, I got 23 not out."

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What do I know about love and happiness? I know you have to play dirty my friend. - Peep Show