Brocklesby Park Cricket Club

SUMMERS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

Tribute to Brian Johnston.

Johnners' said, "There are three things that go downhill as you get older; memory is one of them, I can't remember the other two."

No commentator has ever made such a world wide impact as Johnners. He was immensely popular in Australia, where Pommies with Oxford accents are not. His schoolboy humour and practical jokes endeared him to all.

When Botham failed to clear the stumps when hooking, he said, "Oh, he didn't get his leg over." When Glenn Turner of New Zealand was hit in the box by the fifth ball of an over, he said, "Will he carry on? Yes, he's very brave, one ball left."

Surely his finest hour was when he asked the Australian, Alan McGillvray what he thought of that ball, (he had just handed him a piece of chocolate cake with a cricket ball in it) Gillers took a bite, and said something in Aborigine about reproductive organs: Johnners dissolved into hysterics.

He once told his listeners that, Ray Illingworth, who was bowling, had "relieved himself at the pavilion end."

When Peter Pollock, the South African fast bowler sprained an ankle, he said, "Bad luck on Peter, It is especially bad luck, here on honeymoon with his bride. Still, he'll probably be alright if he sticks it up tonight."

Or what about, "It's close of play now, but they go on 'til seven o'clock at Edgebaston, so now over for some more balls from Rex Alston."

His corny stories were funny too. The woman who took her ten year old son to the psychiatrist and said, "Me thinks he's a hen." The psychiatrist says, "How long has this been going on?" The woman says, "About a year." The psychiatrist replies, "Why haven't you brought him in before?"-"We couldn't manage without the eggs."

Another chap went to the psychiatrist and said, "Woof, Woof. I'm a dog." The psychiatrist says, "Right, jump on the couch and we'll examine you." The man replies, "I'm not allowed on the furniture."

My own confrontation with Brian Johnston went like this: at the Leeds test of 1993, he said on Test Match Special, that he had been up in Lincoln and had seen a match played by the Lincolnshire Gentlemen, but he was surprised that they could raise a team.

Being a member, my reply was, "Dear Johnners, in Lincolnshire, we have higher standards, so it is not possible to be a member of Lincs Gents unless you use the butter knife in your own kitchen." These values have also spread to female sport, for a match has been reported in a Lincoln paper between Lincoln Ladies and Scunthorpe Women, at golf.

When this was broadcast, the first two people to tell me about it were the Captains of Elsham Golf Club, and the Captain of Brocklesby, followed by Woodhall. It unfortunately escaped my ears.


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Maybe I should send her a bit of ear. Or a finger. Just to show I'm really serious. - Peep Show

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